I watched The Super Mario Bros. movie with my boys. One scene involved Mario and Luigi sitting down to dinner with their family after opening their plumbing business and releasing their marketing commercial. The family provided their critique and input to the brothers – mostly negative, aside from their mom. Mario sought his Dad’s opinion on their business venture in the following exchange:
Mario: “Dad, what did you think?”
Mario’s father: “I think you’re nuts. You don’t leave a steady job for some crazy dream. And the worst part? You’re bringing your brother down with you.”
Mario: (grimly) “Well, thanks, Dad.” (leaves the dinner table) “Thanks for your support…” (everyone at the table stares at Mario’s father in disapproval)*
Children, regardless of age, often turn to their parents as their primary source of guidance, valuing their opinions and seeking their support throughout life. Mario exemplifies this by seeking his dad’s support, hoping for encouragement. However, his dad’s response fell short of what Mario needed in that moment. And, to be fair, it’s challenging for parents to respond perfectly every time, especially when their children’s security feels compromised. As parents, we naturally want the best for our children. We want to shield them from life’s hardships and create a safe world for them. Sometimes, this desire manifests as wanting our children to pursue the security and stability of a “steady job,” as Mario’s father suggests. However, by doing so, we may inadvertently impose our own fears and biases onto our children’s career choices, hindering their potential.
I often find myself grappling with this in various contexts with my own children – not only in discussions about their careers but also in terms of their physical development. I tend to hover and supervise my children closely when they engage in activities like climbing at the playground, embodying the stereotype of a helicopter parent. Conversely, I observe other children tackling similar challenges with confidence and maturity that my own children do not possess, realizing my concerns and anxieties may have hindered their self-assurance. But when parents step back and allow their children to explore, confidence often flourishes, enabling them to reach new heights–literally and metaphorically–in their development.
Similarly, in career development, when parents refrain from imposing their own limitations and fears onto their children’s aspirations, remarkable things can happen. By allowing children to explore their curiosities freely, their imagination can flourish, and they can identify problems in the world that they are uniquely positioned to solve. They become the problem-solvers of the future, envisioning careers that align with their passions and strengths, if only we step back and let them develop.
It’s important to acknowledge that parents aren’t wrong for wanting the best for their children and seeking to shield them from failure. However, this desire often places parents in a conundrum when offering career advice, as it can inadvertently stifle their children’s independence, autonomy, and decision-making skills. When faced with a “risky” career choice, parents naturally lean toward advocating for the safer option, fearing the unknown. While most career paths won’t take people on an adventure like the Mario Brothers and the path of least resistance may seem safer, higher-risk careers can often be more fulfilling and aligned with children’s interests and talents.
Furthermore, parents may lack the requisite knowledge about modern job markets to provide relevant guidance. The contemporary workforce is constantly evolving, with new industries emerging and traditional roles transforming. Navigating this landscape requires up-to-date information and a forward-thinking approach, which parents may struggle to provide due to having a different experience when they sought their first jobs.
However, when children seek guidance from their parents, it’s crucial for parents to offer support and allow them to navigate their own paths, learning from both successes and failures. Here are a few strategies parents can employ to become better sources of guidance:
- Do your research: Help your children access resources such as books, websites, workshops, and career counseling services. Check out the list of Career Resources added to The Shutterbug Mom website. Most of the resources are linked back to the Department of Labor and show current trends in the job market. I also love that there are a number of activities available for children to get started in their career exploration. Education and lifelong learning are a part of career development throughout life. Knowing these resources are a great place to start learning.
- Listen: Take the time to listen to your children’s dreams and aspirations without judgment. Let them share their thoughts and feelings about what they want to do in the future, and offer support and guidance based on their interests.
- Model the behavior: Pursue your passions and interests. Show your children what it looks like to work hard and achieve your goals.
- Lift the pressure: Provide support without pressuring your children to pursue a specific career path. Children change their mind. One day they may profess a career that you can get behind quickly; the next day, they may declare a whole new path that’s harder to envision. Encourage them to follow their own path, even if it differs from your expectations. This can encourage children to take ownership of their career development and decision-making process. And of course, you can be there to help build confidence in their abilities to set goals, make plans, and take action toward achieving their dreams.
- Be there: Support your children when there are setbacks and celebrate their successes, providing encouragement at every point of the journey.
While parents undoubtedly play a crucial role in shaping their children’s lives, it’s essential to recognize the limitations they may face as career coaches. Mario’s dad, in the anecdote provided at the beginning of this article, isn’t a bad dad. He only wants what he thinks is best for his children. But if he tweaked his approach just slightly and listened openly to Mario’s goals, he could have helped his son feel supported. That should be our goal too — to step back, offer support, and allow our children to step into a world of opportunity that we could never dream of.
*The dialogue is from the Super Mario Wiki and is available under a Creative Commons license. Attribution must be provided through a list of authors or a link back to the original article. Source: https://www.mariowiki.com/List_of_The_Super_Mario_Bros._Movie_quotes
